The hilarious things children say: (Italian edition)

Deviating a bit from my usual travel posts I thought I'd bring you a few nuggets of gold that I've heard over my last while as an English teacher here in Italy. Most of the humorous conversations I have I usually record for your reading pleasure/pain. Some of these are pure genius.

*all this conversation was in Italian*

Little boy: Hello English teacher!
Me: Hello!
Little boy: Do you know how to speak Italian? Or do you speak only English?
Me: I don't speak any Italian. I only know English.
Little boy: Okay! Sorry! I'll see you later!
Me: See you later!

*the little boy proceeds to walk down the hall and only when he's nearly at the far wall realizes that I answered him in Italian. Then he just stopped and kept staring at me with a confused/frustrated face.*

Gotta' love tiny humans. 

*Another gem from teaching children. I was speaking English, she was speaking Italian*

Little Girl: Where are you from? Like, really?
Me: I'm from Ireland.
Little Girl: I don't think so. I heard you speaking Italian with the teacher.
Me: ... I learned it in school. I am from Ireland, I only know a little Italian.
Little Girl: No. I heard your accent, you're from the North.
Me: Okay, you got me. I'm from Veneto.
Little Girl: I knew it! Your English is really good, you almost fooled me. However your accent in English isn't good though, maybe you should practice more
Me: Thank you.. I guess..

I got trolled, while trolling. ‪#‎nextlevel‬

As you may recall I said that if another Italian person said I was really tall I would tell them I made a pact with the Devil. Well today... a child said it...

Little boy: You're really tall.
Me: Yeah... I know.
Little boy: How are you so tall?
Me: I asked the Devil.
Little boy: ... Can I do it too.
Me: Sure, just call him!
Little boy: My mom doesn't let me make international calls.

Somebody give me adoption papers for this kid right now!

Livin' la vita Bolognese!

As you may know, I am absolutely HORRENDOUS at keeping this thing up to date. I am sorry!

Anyway, since my last post I've had a weird series of events that have led me on a strange and wonderful journey to a city called Bologna. And for the first time I'm going to try and create a home.

Basically, (getting a bit personal here, have a tissue. And no, not for that!) I made the major decision to leave university and I decided to move to Italy, permanently.

Why Bologna I hear you cry out? That I still don't know. However so far it seems that even though I may not know why I am here, Bologna does.

Italy has not been what I expected it to be. It's not the same as the "romantic" country I first encountered when I was just a wee little girl of 16. (Well to be fair I was over 6' back then too.) Do not get me wrong people here are absolutely wonderful and I have the best/craziest housemates in the world. The food here is great and do not get me started on the wine. (No really don't I will keep drinking. Less than 4 yoyo's for a bottle!)

However, there are some aspects of the culture here that I don't ever think that I'll fully ever come to grips with;

1). Passeggiata: There is this magical thing called a "passeggiata". A passeggiata is a weekend activity where after dinner you go around for a slow walk around to "relax".  How as a fully functioning human being can you just ramble around the city without a predetermined destination without the aid of intense intoxication?! I. Just. Don't. Get. It.

2). Queuing: You may have heard me mention this one before. Basically queuing here is like taking part in the Hunger Games. There is no freaking system, you just push and shove and gouge out the cold dead eyes of your rivals to try and get a cappuccino. (There seems to be one cultural rule though - Elderly women are exempt and must be put before you, elderly men however are fair game.)

3). The postal system: Or lack thereof. To send a letter to anywhere it appears that you have to pay a ridiculous amount of money, wait for a waxing moon and promise to donate one of your kidneys. I had to send a letter to the South. 5 FREAKING EURO. For a piece of paper INSIDE A PIECE OF PAPER.

4). Last but not least bureaucracy: It just doesn't exist here. You want something done? It's more probable of happening if you physically climb over the help-desk yourself and find the forms you need. Essentially, no matter what is it 1- They don't know what you need. 2- You're at the wrong office they'll send you to another one. 3- You'll go back to the same office because it was the right one. 4- You'll basically have to pledge your soul and your army for them to do anything. 5 - Sometime between now and the next coming of the three horsemen of the Apocalypse whatever you wanted may or may not get done.



I will try my bestestest to update this on a semi regular basis. Really, I will try.

Ciao! x

Bonjour Friends!

Well hello there! Aren't you looking well!

First and foremost, thank you all a great deal for checking this page out! I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to take a quick gander around here. I hope that this blog gives you some useful information and most of all puts a smile on your face!


Secondly, my next post is going to centre around a fantastic trip to London that I took in January. However, I am a bit at odds as to what to do for the next one after that. I have a few ideas knocking around, but if you have one I would love to hear it. Also, if you have any, photos, comments, critiques, anecdotal pieces or messages from the dead I would love to include those too!

Have a wonderful day full of pancakes!
x

Galway - The west is most definitely best.

Okay, first and foremost I am so sorry that I have put off writing another blog post for so long!
(I know you've been crying yourself to sleep at night, I've been watching from your wardrobe.. by the way, is it the smartest place to put *those* magazines?)

Anyway, a few exciting developments have occurred and will be the greatest source of inspiration for the blog over the Summer! So rest assured, I am like a stubborn fungus, or the chlamydia from the student dorms, can't get rid of me that easily!

During the academic year I live on the west coast of Ireland in a county called Galway. I live in the capital, called Galway city. (More original than a Seth MacFarlane spin off show). If you, like so many other people have this presumption that Galway is some sort of wool wearing, weed smoking, existentialist talking, liberal Nirvana. You're half right, there is this aspect to Galway, however there are so many others. All depending on what you are looking for.

Some facts about Galway:

- It is the third largest city in the Republic of Ireland.
- It is called the "City of the Tribes" after the 14 Anglo-Norman merchant families who inhabited in during the Norman period.
- It is one of the main centers of culture in the country due to the amount of festivals and parades that take place.
- It is a bilingual city. (Tri-lingual on student nights; English, Irish and Drunk)
- "Galway is amazing." - Every person ever.

Basically it is really difficult to encapsulate all the different facets of Galway. There really is something here for everyone. Whether you want to wind down and have a stroll on Salthill Promenade, go shopping on Shop Street, expand your cranium in Charlie's bookstore or the museum, or party like a first year Arts student with no repeats in Carbon. You're bound to find something here that will suit you! The best way to describe it is, you know that myopic orphan dude who was left with abusive guardians and then ran away to this weird shady private school that was pretty lax on security. The one with authority issues who would literally listen to nobody except this guy with a long white beard that kind of looked like Santa? No? Well he found this mirror called erised and it pretty much showed you what you wanted. Galway is like that.

Howard..
Henry..
Harold Porter! Yeah that dude! That's his name... right?

I've made a quick compilation to the best places in Galway, depending on the type of person that you are:

You know who the Vitruvian man is: ( and no it wasn't that guy who was trying to shift you last night)
- Charlie Byrnes bookshop (this is an amazing second hand bookstore), the museum, and Java's (for some of the nicest crepes there ever was!)

If your jeans look like they have been painted onto your legs: (10 extra points if they actually have been)
- The Roisin Dubh Pub, The Blue note, (some really sweet bands play here), There are so many music shops in Galway, if you are so inclined, that you can visit too!


Your boggart is an empty grinder: (I am just killing it with the HP jokes. Haha! Killing it harder than Snape killed Dumble.. too soon? Yeah sorry about that..)
- The secret garden: Probably one of my favourite places in Galway. A really laid back coffee shop that specializes in teas from around the world. Amber: You need candles or incense? That is where you need to be!

Now, time to tell you about the wonderful national pastime. Sparching. ^ This is the Spanish Arch, named as such because hundreds of years ago many Spanish, Italian and French sailors would dock here and sell their goods. The Spanish Arch is lovated in the Latin Quarter of Galway. (Which is one of the best places to head to for some late night banter!) Anywhooo, Spanish arching or Sparching is a way of life in Galway. It really means heading down to the Spanish Arch with some friends, some cans and sitting down and having a laugh. (Optional features include sunshine, a pizza slice from pizza Napoli, a picnic and your imaginary Canadian camel).


This is by no means a comprehensive list, if anything it is just a tiny glimpse into life in Galway.  Actually I'm going to do a completely separate article on the festivals and fleadhs that take place in Galway. Being the cultural heart of the country I can assure you there is always something going on.

It is 5:00am and you still haven't packed - Welcome to my world.

We all know that the worst part about going on holiday is having to pack. It is not only time consuming, terrifying and soul crushing I'm pretty sure it's one of Dantes' circles of hell.

Do I need sunglasses?

Will it rain? Should I bring the jacket?
Did I pack my toothbrush? Where the hell is it?
I hope it's not over 10 kilos!
How the hell is there a Walrus in here?!

I pretty sure we all identify with these.

So here are some fool proof ways of making sure that you have everything you need before venturing off on the trip of your life. 

1) Passport - You think this would be an obvious one. But, unfortunately there have been a few times I have left the house not knowing where it is. (90% of the time actually) Keep it in the same place every time! Trust me it will save you a lot of "OMG OMG OMG" crazy panic dances on your stairs before sunrise.

2) Money - Again, another obvious one. Never change your money at airports no matter how convenient it may appear. They will take your money faster than Kanye Wests' Goldigger! (I'm referencing the song, not Kim K.. because there is a huge difference..) It's best to change some before you leave, and then search for a reliable place over to change the rest. So at least in the unfortunate case you were to robbed at least you won't have lost too much!

3) Phone - Super useful for sending your friends envious whatsapp messages telling them how fantastic a time you are having/letting your parents know that yes you are still alive, and no Mom you haven't started drinking yet. Apart from these reason, phones are a great idea because of a wonderful interface you may know of. Google. Google makes everything so much easier. Read reviews of restaurants, use Google maps in case you get lost, and every language students best friend, Google translate.

4) All your documentation - Boarding passes, flight number, hotel/hostel numbers. You need these. No getting around it. Especially the boarding passes depending on the air line that you are flying with. I'm not going to lie, certain air lines are a bit of a pain in the nether-regions with regard of having to have your passes with you. (I would print multiple copies if possible, and keep them in different places. But, then again I get lost in my own house)

5) A good attitude- Okay, traveling in general sucks.(The actual getting there). Don't be a d*ck. Airports, train stations, bus stations, hover craft platforms are stressful. Nobody wants to be there, nobody wants to wait, and everyone is anxious. So, relax, smile, you will get there. And you will love it when you are there. Unless of course you go to Africa and end up with some sort of weird strain of malaria which makes you cry crickets out of your eyeballs or something. #badbuzz

6) House keys - I generally bring them with me because I don't know if my housemates are going to be there. But, if at all possible. Leave them with a person you trust (not someone who is going to spray paint turtles on your walls when you leave. Or go all Walter White and turn it into a meth lab. Unless they are willing to share the profits!) If you need to bring them, choose a safe place in your backpack. Not your pockets!

7) Camera - 'Cause we all do the same damn thing we do in class. Instead of taking notes we tell ourselves, "I'll remember it". This doesn't cut it. TAKE. LOADS. OF. PHOTOS. You will be delighted that you have them later, and they are perfect for printing and shoving them in your friends/families/weird next door neighbours face to fully describe how amazing it was*. (* up to a period of three months, after this you just look like a pretentious, annoying, self-centered mollusk).

I generally view these as the essentials. If I have these leaving the house, then I'm on the right track. Some other things you may decide to bring with you, which may be important, are here:

- Clothes - extra points if you actually check the weather in the country of your choice. (I never do).
Socks/Shoes/T-Shirts/Pants/Underwear/Shorts/Rain Jacket/Swim Suit/Lady Gaga style meat dress.
- Suncream - Rain, snow, hail or shine. Protect your face. Or it may start to look like a sofa I saw on the internet... Or was that Mick Jagger?
- Toiletries - Toothpaste, toothbrushes and deodorant are not only crucial but will also be a definer on whether people will want to talk to you or not. You may have a stellar personality, but you smell like a college dorm.
- Stuff to keep you occupied - Books, magazines, mp3 player, ear plugs. I don't really care what it is, as long as it keeps you from wanting to commit genocide on the plane I am all for it!
- Adapters - Okay, so here in Ireland we are still beta testing Europe. Which means that we have different plugs to everyone else. So don't forget to bring an adapter! Otherwise kiss goodbye to all electrical devices!
- First aid kit - Antiseptic cream, bandages, blister pads, collapsible statue of Zeus. Whatever you think will get you out of a sticky situation, bring it!

I shall update as I think of it! :)

Ciao! x 

Jailbreak 14 - Part One - Germany.

This year I was so lucky to be able to participate in an Irish charity event called Jailbreak 14. Basically, we had to raise money for charities like Saint Vincent De Paul, Amnesty International and NUI Galways' own fantastic charity called Draoicht. Oh, I forgot to mention the teeny weeny part where we had to leave the country in teams of two and get as far away from Ireland as we could without spending any of our own money. * runs for a paper bag -deep breath*

Yeah, so that happened!

I went with my divinely patient, (and gorgeous), friend Alessandra! (Who I am surprised did not slit my throat with a spoon during the journey because I annoyed the crap out of her!)

(Both our faces can actually be located here along with an interview we gave for the Irish Independent on the jailbreak extravaganza http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/its-back-irish-jailbreakers-get-ready-to-beg-borrow-and-blag-for-charity-travel-stunt-30030697.html)

D-Day came and we were to meet all the other teams from the 4 different Irish Universities. We met outside Kilmainham Gaol in Dublin (Jailbreak - gettit? ) And were terrified because everyone seemed to have flights booked or plans and we didn't have anything sorted. So, harnessing the power of Micheal D. himself we plucked up the courage to buy the cheapest tickets we could, one way flights to Munich, Germany, while standing in the queue to register! To say I was nervous would be an understatement because that was literally the only plan that we had, and there was no return. But that was the least of my worries. Getting stranded in Europe, grand. Not knowing any German at all, grand. Having the organizational skills of a mollusk, grand. But it was Saturday, and I had an assignment due the next Tuesday. And I didn't know when I would be getting a flight home. Crap.

Anyway, inside the jail we made friends with a wonderful team from UCD (the beautiful Mac and Sophia) who also speak Italian so with our combined potenza (power) We ventured on forth to the airport! (We also hung around the airport until 4pm giving out free hugs and meeting famous people. Namely some dude name Gaz from Geordie Shore or something, I dunno! Then we met some more teams and went for pints. Sure what else would you be doing?!)

Eventually we arrived in Munich (which I think 12 other teams went to because it was the cheapest flight out of) and to our surprise we made a small Irish colony over in the airport! Which was lovely! I learned a few things about myself being stuck in that airport.
1) I am actually much more brave than I previously thought I was.
2) I have literally fudge all German to my name. - I thought Munchen meant exit, it is actually the German for Munich-
3) I fudging love making pointless lists.

Anyhoo - I forgot t

Terrific Trento!

As some of you may know the absolutely stunning region of Trentino-Alto Adige will be my home in September. So in preparation for that, last week, thanks to one of my beautful friends Giulia, I was able to go and visit!

Things you need to know about Trento:

1) OHMYGODITISBEAUTIFUL - Sorry, I mean, to one of distinguished taste and elegance it may be deemed as aesthetically pleasing. It is located in a valley completely surrounded by snow covered mountains. You never see the sun set, but trust me that does not detract from the sheer breathtaking beauty of the place.

2) The people are so friendly! - I am supposed to be getting a degree in Italian, but I'm afraid even ordering ice-cream can be difficult for me. So even though I sounded like an absolute cretin asking for a *jews-stoh* instead of a *goo-stow*. (Gusto - flavour)  They still tried to help me along and teach me new words as I went along. What I've noticed anywhere I've traveled, even if you absolutely Texas chainsaw massacre their language, as long as you try your best they will appreciate it.

3) Ice- Cream.- In Italian it is called gelato, I personally think it should be called the frozen tears of seraphic angels. (There is an amazing ice-cream restaurant called Seraphini near Lavis a town just outside Trento. It is one of the five best in Italy. And the perfect place to die from an over expanded stomach!) If you can't venture out of town I highly recommend "Grom" near the fountain. They serve organic ice-cream that is only created using seasonal products, so the flavours always change! One of the best though is called Crema di Grom - which is their house specialty!

4) History Everywhere! - Trento has no shortage of interesting historical places to visit. There is the Castello di Buonconsiglio - which at the moment has a fantastic Egyptian exhibition- The museums, libraries, frescoes on the buildings and the little hidden treasures that leave behind traces of the control of fascism. -hint, look at the manhole covers- There is also a statue of Dante Alighieri in Piazza Dante which has a hilarious joke attached to it. At the bottom of the statue there is a Devil. One day the Devil looks up at Dante and asks him a question:
"Dante, how much shit is in Trento?"
Dante replies by outstretching his arm.

"About this high"


5) Suncream. - You, unlike me, will not be lured into the false sense of security the snow covered mountains provide. Trento. Gets. Hot. Like really hot. I visited the University building for Arts subjects and I can tell you it is just one big glass box. I was like an Irish rotisserie chicken inside it.

6) Nightlife. - I'm not going to lie, it is different to Ireland. There is no sneaky sips of Buckie in the bushes or anything like that. But you won't miss it! I should note that when we say nightclub here that is equivalent to the European discoteca. If you were to ask to go to a nightclub in Europe you will end up in a Stringfellows type shindig. (But maybe that was what you wanted in the first place?) I went to one of the most common places to go out in Trento and it's only newly opened. (I unfortunately cannot remember the name!) The great thing about it was the atmosphere, unbelievably relaxed and fun. If you have ever been to the Roisin Dubh in Galway it has a similar vibe. Something I think was so cool about it, (apart from the fact it was downstairs in an old stone cellar), was that you could play board games! *childish grin* (A good place for pre-drinking is called Simposium!)

7) Transport. - You can literally walk everywhere you need to get to. The center itself is very small and the furthest point you would probably need would be about 20 minutes away. So ka-ching for saving bus fares! But for those of us who have a sloth as our spirit animal, fret not as there is a very comprehensive bus system. And, if you want to get out of Trento, (because you are just too taken aback by how amazing it is), located in Piazza Dante is the train station. For just 40 minutes of your time and a measly 12 yo'yo's you can travel to Bolzano/Bozen which is just equally as impressive!

I think that is about it! Unfortunately I didn't get to spend as long in the city as I would have liked to but I will be back soon!

One of the most hilarious things though about having pale skin and blue eyes in Italy is that people think you are German. Had a very awkward/endearing moment with a cashier in Bolzano/Bozen, which is a bilingual Italian/German city, as she tried to speak to me in German and thought I had some sort of intellectual disability. #eurolols

Italian words/phrases to know!

When ordering ice-cream:

Due gusti per favore - Two flavours please.
Sì, voglio sempre di più - Yes, I always want more.


When you're out for the night:

Un'altra birra per favore - Another beer please.
Posso avere il conto? - Can I have the bill?
Mi può consigliare un buon bar? - Can you recommend a good bar to me?
Cosa vuol dire che ho avuto abbastanza? - What do you mean I've had enough?

Any questions, comments, suggestions, critiques or weird dreams leave them below!

Ciao! x